Tonight was a good night. Prayer meetings have always been my friday evening activity. I know sometimes i stray away from church, prayer meetings, and anything to do with god but somehow i’m always led back to God. My discussion group had a really good talk. Lent is coming up and i learned a lot. The sacrafice, the pain, the torture we all go through it and it’s what we do that help build our foundation in christ that makes us stronger. Sometimes we hold back from letting ourselves feel the emotion. We block people out, but more importantly we block god out. I get that way. Therefore i bare a heavy load most of the time. Debbie asked us about our hardships in life and  what are some obstacles do we have in reach our lent goal. Somehow we all got to this point were we all felt hurt by certain events in our lives. And to me giving up something for fourty days out of this life i live to give back and just focus on god and let him in, it’s what i feel i need right now in my life. It’s been a rough couple months. I stay strong but i have feelings just like everyone else. I can’t always be happy. I can’t always get what i want. I have to listen to what he wants me to do, what his plans are for me.

Everything we talked about was spot on. It was just amazing. I mean hearing other things that these girls were and are going through at this moment of time reminds me that i am not alone in this and that i have others. And also for those who didn’t speak i can just see the look on their faces that they have their own battle. I was going to keep quiet but at the last second Debbie asked how i felt and in an instant i spilled. I used to not be some emotional, but i can’t hone it anymore. I think i’m learning to let go. Michele’s talk really hit me. Sometimes in life we don’t have the strength to go on but in a split second there is something reminds us to keep going and god hints to us in music, in feelings, in memories, in any little sign that there is something to live for. I just wish he would have given that sign to my mom. I miss her and as much as i try not to think about it. It’s reality and i’m in a state where i’m learning to cope with this.

So for lent i am going to accomplish these things:

• Give up facebook- Partly because it just takes up most of my time. When i could be doing other things like talking a walk, doing homework, or visting my moms grave.
• Bring flowers to my mom and pray at her grave- Closer to god, closer to mom.
• Give up meat- Eat more veggies. YUM. :) and so i can start heating healthy. maybe take walks too.

Well that’s all. Goodnight folks.